An Empty Hole

 

Have you ever felt it?! This hole inside of you?! like your soul is empty?! like there's nothing inside...?! huge emptiness?! hollow?! emotionless?! feeling-less?!! 
a ghost haunting you every day?! that's what it feels like the day "HE" walked away out of my life!!
I said I would get used to the feeling that he is no longer here with me. I used to say I will move on and let him go easily!! but I was so dumb! I convinced myself that I can find a substitution to him!! but I guess some people are one of a kind!! not because they are so special or unique. but because they make us FEEL special and UNIQUE...!!!
I cried a lot that my eyes dried up, I screamed so hard till my sound was gone......
I acted strong when I was cracking down, I showed I didn't care when I was dying inside!!
wrong moves, stupid actions, dumb reckless words and that's the result!
Lost you forever! I tried to move on and so on , everyone just calling me a fool to keep holding on, but no one actually understands the fact that it's not according to my will!!! my feelings are taking control of me!!
we don't talk, we don't meet anymore! but I see you standing there and it kills me, I see you laughing with that girl or hanging out with another and I die a little inside....cause I remember those days when that girl was " I " … 
and I have to pretend that nothing is there, no more feelings towards you, like we are just friends, and just less than friends!! 
I put that fake smile and move on!! I convince myself am fine and I can live like that, that I will find someone better than you that will make it up to me, who will make me forget all this pain and misery 
yet who am I kidding?! it's so hard to love twice, especially when it's true love!!
and I still wonder if you ever loved me or not!?!? and how does it torture me every time I assume, I was just " someone " you have met and that's all!! 
it just in times when everything is falling apart, when am standing among the wreckage of my life I wish you were here. to encourage me, to give me a boost, to make me feel strong as you used to do!! where are you when am in desperate need for you?!
you are just gone! and I will have to accept that fact! and the nest time I need you I will have to wipe some tears, act strong, and tell myself: " IT'S ALL OVER NOW" 
I will have to get myself together and face it all alone....
yet I won't deny it, I really do miss you !!!!!!!